Anne's Story

My story will be different from the rest because I won't be going into a lot of details about what happened for the simple reason that I remember very little of it. Growing up, I had a favorite sister with whom I was very, very close. She was 6 years older than me and I looked up to her in every way. I was 12 when she got married and moved to California and I missed a day of school - all I could do was cry that she was gone. One of the happiest days of my life was one year later when my Mom told me that she was moving back and that she and her husband were going to live with us for awhile until they found a place. Awhile turned out to be 2 1/2 years.

At first I really liked her husband, he was like the brother that I never had and I found myself spending time with him and my sister whenever they were home. Then things got weird. Whenever I was alone with him, he would say things that no one had ever said to me before. At first I think I was kind of flattered, thinking that he really thought I was a grown up because he talked about sexual things in front of me. Then I realized it wasn't normal and it really made me feel uncomfortable. I started avoiding him as much as possible - especially being alone in the house with him. I told my Mom once, but she told me that he just thought he was funny and not to go around him if I didn't like him.

One day I came home from school to find that he had not gone to work that afternoon, and that he had hidden his car around the back of the house where I wouldn't see it. The events of that afternoon are burned into my memory forever, but mercifully, I have all but blocked out most of the rest. From this man, I learned that I was worthless, that no one else would care what he was doing anyway, that I could trust no one, and that childhood didn't really last very long. I learned that crying was a sign of weakness, fighting was a sign of just wanting it more, and that a 13 year old can hate a person with every fiber of her being. This went on for about 2 years.

Today I am married to my best friend, I have 3 beautiful children, and I am finally happy with who I am - most of the time. After many years of telling myself that I never needed to forgive him, and telling myself that being a relatively good person was probably enough for God, I found myself wanting to strengthen my faith not only for my sake, but for the sake of my family. I turned back to God and with the help of a very dear friend (thank you - you know who you are and I love you so much) I have come to finally forgive my abuser. He is no longer married to my sister, but because of their son, I do have some interaction with him from time to time. I will probably never speak of any of this to him, but on most days I do feel like I have forgiven him. The darker days are getting farther apart and even on those days I still know that I have the desire to forgive and that it has to be enough.

Telling my story is not so much for my healing as it is for the sake of other people who have shared similar experiences. If you take nothing else from this story, please take the message of spiritual healing and forgiveness. It may have been the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it has helped me to move on with my life in a way like nothing else before it. I still have my days, and I may always have them, but I know that God is there for me. Even during those years when I sometimes felt that God had turned his back on me, he was there. Admittedly, I don't yet know why I had to go through this, but I feel that there was a purpose and I know that it's a part of who I am today.

Anne