Kim's Story of Survival........
November 26, 1999
Hi. My name is Kim
At the time of this writing I am 21 years old. My abuse has only ended in
the past 5 years so the pain and memories are very painful and vivid. There
are so many situations that have hindered my life. It is very hard to cope
and telling my story is one way for me to vent.
One of the first things I would like to explain is something that has been
very painful for me to deal with but is also very important to me and my
story. I am a product of an affair. My Mom and dad had one child already
and my father had decided to get a vasectomy. My Mom had an affair with her
sisters husband and I was conceived. My dad knew of this but decided to stay
with my mother anyways. ( which I applaud him for) My uncle or father (im
not really sure what I should call him) had no knowledge that I was his
child. And for that matter he still does not. Since then he and my aunt
have divorced and has moved away. Im not sure where he is now. I was not
told about this for several years and looking back on it I now know it was a
big family secret. My Mom told me of this when I was about 10 years old but
she refused to tell me who my biological father was. When I was 15 I ran
away from home and found out from one of my grandparents. This eventually
ties in to my story so please bear with me. From here on out I will refer to
my biological father as my father and my Dad as the man that raised me.
>From the time I was 6 I was sexually abused by my dads father. (which
actually makes him no relation to me) I remember the day that started it all
but the actual actions aren't really clear. I remember going camping with my
parents and grandparents. My Mom and dad had to go to work so I stayed with
my grandparents. My grandmother was not around for some reason that I do not
remember. I remember him taking me in to his camper and fondling my breasts.
I don't remember actual penetration that day...but I do know that came later.
For over 10 years this abuse continued. I remember him making me watch
pornography and read dirty magazines with him. I remember him taking me out
to the woods and having sex with me. He would come to my parents house when
they were at work and make me have sex with him. I was forced to have oral
sex with him and also to allow him to do it to me. This abuse wasn't
sporadic. I could basically count on it happening at least once a week. I
cannot begin to count the number of times it happened.
Around the time I was 7 My Uncle started baby sitting my brother and cousins
and Myself. He was a teenager. My cousins (which are in all reality are my
1/2 brother and sister) are the same ages as my brother and I. My uncle
never sexually abused me himself that I remember but he used to make my
brother and male cousin have sex with my female cousin and I. Until the time
that my brother and male cousin turned around 16 and found an interest in
other females they continued abusing me. My brother would make almost a
daily habit of it. And any time my cousin was around he would do it also.
This abuse continued for about 5 years.
My grandfather was still abusing me during all this. The abuse with my
grandfather continued till the time I was 16. When I was 16 I got a car and
a job and moved out of my parents home away from where he could find me. But
of coarse my parents had no clue as to what was happening and he told him
where I was... he came to visit me once and nothing ever happened again after
that point. I got an apartment with some of my friends and continued to go
to highschool. One of my room mates was 21 and liked to throw parties. I
remember one night getting very drunk to the point I could not stand. One of
the guys at the house carried me to my bed. I do not remember much of him
but I do know he was 30 something years old. I had only met him that night
and felt no attraction for him. I passed out from being intoxicated. I
remember waking up with him on top of me. I screamed and told him no but he
did not stop. The music and people in the house was too loud for anyone to
hear me. I fought and it did not work...He raped me.
When I turned 18 I got married to a man that I dated during my senior year of
highschool. He was in the military and we ended up moving 3,000 miles away
from home. I thought he was the man of my dreams. I was wrong. Although he
never sexually abused me he mentally and sometimes physically abused me.
During our marriage the truth about what happened to me came out. My
grandfather tried abusing one of my younger cousins. He told her that I let
him do it to me so she should let him do it to her. She was the smart one.
She told her mother. And of course her mother called my mother and told her
what happened and what was said.
They immediately called me and at first I denied it all. After talking with
my husband he could tell something was upsetting me and I confessed most of
it to him. I say most of it because I didn't tell him about my brother and
cousins and the rape. He made me call my parents back and tell them.
About a year after that my mother called me sobbing. Her family had disowned
her because she had confided in my uncle (the one who forced my cousin and
brother on me) that she was sexually abused by her father (my other
grandfather) he told the rest of the family of this and no one believed her.
As a result of this I told her and my husband the rest of my story.
After 3 years of marriage my husband divorced me. The divorce was just
finalized less than one month ago. In April I moved back to my home town and
was forced to deal with my past. I now live in the same town as my uncle,
grandfather, cousins and I have even seen the guy that raped me. My parents
have the audacity to still see my grandfather ( the one that abused me) and
on occasion they will invite me somewhere and not tell me he will be at the
same place. At this point in time I want nothing to do with him. I am so
hurt to think that they will even speak to the man that sexually abused there
daughter yet alone go on vacations with him and just about every thing you
can think of. Till this day my family is disowned from my mothers side of
the family.
I have forgiven my brother and cousin. I realize that they were young and
really didn't know better. Even though it carried on for several years that
was what they were taught.
Right now I am going through a very rough time. For the 3 years I was
married and through all of this abuse I never got pregnant and no one ever
used birth control. I have been to fertility specialist but did not complete
all my testing due to my divorce and moving. There is some concern that I
may never have children due to the abuse at such a young age. The other
concern that I have is what if fertility problems runs in my biological
fathers family? My mother wont talk about it and I have no way of contacting
him. Even if I did..what do you say in a situation like this?
I just want to send a message to all the children of any kind of
abuse.....Get some help immediately. Tell someone. As you can see from my
story the abuse does not stop with the actions. It runs deeper than that. I
have not even really touched on the emotional scars...They are too painful
for words. And to the parents of a child that is or was abused, Think about
how your actions may affect that child or adult. (what ever the case may be)
Some times the actions that a parent makes can devastate your child. I
though my parents would be especially good about the situation knowing that
my mother went through it as well but as you can see, they seem to be
causing me some of the worst pain throughout all this.
If you would like to contact me my email address is From the time I was 6 I was sexually abused by my dads father. (which
actually makes him no relation to me) I remember the day that started it all
but the actual actions aren't really clear. I remember going camping with my
parents and grandparents. My Mom and dad had to go to work so I stayed with
my grandparents. My grandmother was not around for some reason that I do not
remember. I remember him taking me in to his camper and fondling my breasts.
I don't remember actual penetration that day...but I do know that came later.
For over 10 years this abuse continued. I remember him making me watch
pornography and read dirty magazines with him. I remember him taking me out
to the woods and having sex with me. He would come to my parents house when
they were at work and make me have sex with him. I was forced to have oral
sex with him and also to allow him to do it to me. This abuse wasn't
sporadic. I could basically count on it happening at least once a week. I
cannot begin to count the number of times it happened.
Around the time I was 7 My Uncle started baby sitting my brother and cousins
and Myself. He was a teenager. My cousins (which are in all reality are my
1/2 brother and sister) are the same ages as my brother and I. My uncle
never sexually abused me himself that I remember but he used to make my
brother and male cousin have sex with my female cousin and I. Until the time
that my brother and male cousin turned around 16 and found an interest in
other females they continued abusing me. My brother would make almost a
daily habit of it. And any time my cousin was around he would do it also.
This abuse continued for about 5 years.
My grandfather was still abusing me during all this. The abuse with my
grandfather continued till the time I was 16. When I was 16 I got a car and
a job and moved out of my parents home away from where he could find me. But
of coarse my parents had no clue as to what was happening and he told him
where I was... he came to visit me once and nothing ever happened again after
that point. I got an apartment with some of my friends and continued to go
to highschool. One of my room mates was 21 and liked to throw parties. I
remember one night getting very drunk to the point I could not stand. One of
the guys at the house carried me to my bed. I do not remember much of him
but I do know he was 30 something years old. I had only met him that night
and felt no attraction for him. I passed out from being intoxicated. I
remember waking up with him on top of me. I screamed and told him no but he
did not stop. The music and people in the house was too loud for anyone to
hear me. I fought and it did not work...He raped me.
When I turned 18 I got married to a man that I dated during my senior year of
highschool. He was in the military and we ended up moving 3,000 miles away
from home. I thought he was the man of my dreams. I was wrong. Although he
never sexually abused me he mentally and sometimes physically abused me.
During our marriage the truth about what happened to me came out. My
grandfather tried abusing one of my younger cousins. He told her that I let
him do it to me so she should let him do it to her. She was the smart one.
She told her mother. And of course her mother called my mother and told her
what happened and what was said.
They immediately called me and at first I denied it all. After talking with
my husband he could tell something was upsetting me and I confessed most of
it to him. I say most of it because I didn't tell him about my brother and
cousins and the rape. He made me call my parents back and tell them.
About a year after that my mother called me sobbing. Her family had disowned
her because she had confided in my uncle (the one who forced my cousin and
brother on me) that she was sexually abused by her father (my other
grandfather) he told the rest of the family of this and no one believed her.
As a result of this I told her and my husband the rest of my story.
After 3 years of marriage my husband divorced me. The divorce was just
finalized less than one month ago. In April I moved back to my home town and
was forced to deal with my past. I now live in the same town as my uncle,
grandfather, cousins and I have even seen the guy that raped me. My parents
have the audacity to still see my grandfather ( the one that abused me) and
on occasion they will invite me somewhere and not tell me he will be at the
same place. At this point in time I want nothing to do with him. I am so
hurt to think that they will even speak to the man that sexually abused there
daughter yet alone go on vacations with him and just about every thing you
can think of. Till this day my family is disowned from my mothers side of
the family.
I have forgiven my brother and cousin. I realize that they were young and
really didn't know better. Even though it carried on for several years that
was what they were taught.
Right now I am going through a very rough time. For the 3 years I was
married and through all of this abuse I never got pregnant and no one ever
used birth control. I have been to fertility specialist but did not complete
all my testing due to my divorce and moving. There is some concern that I
may never have children due to the abuse at such a young age. The other
concern that I have is what if fertility problems runs in my biological
fathers family? My mother wont talk about it and I have no way of contacting
him. Even if I did..what do you say in a situation like this?
I just want to send a message to all the children of any kind of
abuse.....Get some help immediately. Tell someone. As you can see from my
story the abuse does not stop with the actions. It runs deeper than that. I
have not even really touched on the emotional scars...They are too painful
for words. And to the parents of a child that is or was abused, Think about
how your actions may affect that child or adult. (what ever the case may be)
Some times the actions that a parent makes can devastate your child. I
though my parents would be especially good about the situation knowing that
my mother went through it as well but as you can see, they seem to be
causing me some of the worst pain throughout all this.
If you would like to contact me my email address is [email protected]
Feel free to contact just to chat or to share your story
thanks for your time
Kim