Paula's Story of Survival........
My dad was in prison until I was five years old, and until then my life was wonderful. My mother and I lived with my grandparents who spoiled me rotten. Then, he came home. He was a total stranger to me, but he immediately thought I was too spoiled, so he said he would have to change that. He was an alcoholic, he immediately started drinking again and beating my mother. He started hitting me soon after. I would have much rather endured the hitting than the sexual abuse that soon followed. Home became a living hell, and at the age of 5, all I wanted to do was die. He would come home drunk and bring other women, and my mother always forgave him. She soon became pregnant with my baby sister, Karen. We left and went back, left and went back. I began to hate my mother for going back. I excelled in school, it was my only get away. He was verbally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive. He belittled my mother and I constantly. My sister became his way to really hurt me. He treated her like a princess, and never laid a hand on her. My mother was not allowed to go anywhere or have friends. None of us were ever allowed to have anyone over. I think that the verbal and emotional abuse were the worst. I can remember being called stupid every morning before I went to school. He thought it was funny. At the time I was not overweight, but he constantly told me that I ate too much, and that I was a disgusting fatso. I've had lots of problems with that one over the years, I am overweight now. I became very thin at one point, but I still felt like the ugliest thing on the face of the earth. I have no self-esteem. Because of him I am in therapy, I have panic attacks, and severe depression. I wake up from nightmares still and I am 24 years old. I ran away and got married at 17,but I only did it to get away so it didn't last. He tries now to act like nothing happened, he tries to talk to me, but I won't ever be able to let go of the hatred I feel toward him.