I was three years old when my mother met "the most wonderful man." At least that is what she said. My older sister was seven and it happened to her too. We both liked him very much; until it all started. Every night, my mom would come into our room to read us a bedtime story. That was my favorite time of the day. Until one night he came in and said that he would be tucking us in from now on. It started out with just fondling. He would touch us in private places, and tell us that this is what all real daddies did with their little girls. In time it gradually got worse. He would start putting his fingers in our vaginas, and kissing our private parts. He always told us that we could never tell. And if we did...nobody would believe us because we were just dirty little tramps that asked for it all the time. At three years old, i didn't know that what he was doing was wrong.

On my fourth birthday, I learned that my mommy and my new daddy were getting married. Well...that night he wanted to celebrate. I lost my virginity on my fourth birthday. It happend every night until I was six years old. I felt so degraded and dirty. He lead me to believe that I would never be loved and that no man would ever want to marry me. He was the only man that would ever love me. I was always so afraid to tell anyone.

The thing that really hurts now is that my mom not only knows about what happend, but she married him anyway. Every time I go to visit my mother, he is there. He makes my skin crawl. There are still times that I think about comitting suicide, and there are still times that I blame myself for what happened. But I know that what happened was not my fault, and that he will pay for what he did soon. He has molested three people,and he needs to be stopped. My nightmares may never seize, but someday this will end. Because of this man, I am not able to have children, something that I have wanted all my life. Because of this man, I can no longer trust another man without some fear first. And because of this man, I no longer have my virginity. That is a gift that a girl should make the choice of losing...and it should be special. But it was taken from me. I still have a lot of anger inside, but I am getting better, and I want all of you to know that it is possible to get through this, and you are NOT ALONE!!!

I wrote this poem to my mother after my nightmares started up again. I wanted her to know how much she hurt me and let my sister and me down. I have learned that it is ok to be angry, and that it is ok to talk about it. So, talk about it...it will make you feel better. Thank you for letting me tell my story.