I couldn't cope in Play School and was slapped by one of the staff there. I didn't understand what I did wrong. To me it was normal play but I was hyper active.

By this time a girl was fostered by my parents called Katy. She had come to stay with my mom and dad and had problems in other foster homes. The homes little known to my parents had been abusive. My parents also found out that people had sexually abused her in her family. But they found this out all too late to help me or get help for Katy.

Katy used to play a game of sitting on me when my patents weren't about. Dad caught her once and told her to get off me. She did and he thought that was the end to it. But after that time she chose her times more carefully. The abuse continued from her sitting on my body to her sitting on my head. She was never naked and I felt like I was doing something wrong. To cut a very harrowing story short she also used to masturbate me and also make me perform oral. This went on until she was 16 years of age. It couldn't really be seen as rape or even child abuse because she was 4 years older than I and was but a child herself. Other things did happen but I don't feel ready to talk about them now. Suffice to say it was abuse but not so much an adult on a child even though she was older. Given that I was backward I was also much younger than she was mentally.

Because my parents thought that Katy and I were close and that it would be good to have a sisterly figure, Mom and Dad adopted Katy. I loved her as a Sister, but didn't love the person who used me. I did threaten to tell Mom once and she got in there first. She twisted my words and made out that I kept asking her to sit on me. Mom and Dad believed her and I never spoke of the abuse again. She sneered at me and said now they will think you are mental.

Anyway back to my school life at the age of 5 I soon attended ST Kanalms, I think it is spelt like that. A Catholic School in Halesowen. It should have been ideal but I couldn't cope. I got bullied and eventually punched the bully Jonathan Renolds in the face. Believe it or not I can remember all of these incidents. They all stand out in my mind. On the first day a teacher shouted at me and I got scared and put a bucket on my head and stayed in the toilet. Mom had to fetch me. The final straw for the school was the nativity play when I tickled the boy who was playing Joseph's feet.

I was promptly sent to the Childs Burns Clinic. As well as the problems I had at home with my sister. If I misbehaved I was taken to a room and a female teacher would pin me down. Sitting on my stomach. I of course associated this with my abuse and fought more in which case the teacher reciprocated by sitting on my shoulders. This again made me think of abuse. It didn't help that a teacher there mentally abused me by saying. God I would hate to be like you and other negative comments like that. Anyway that is in the past now. I did however have to take a junior type of Valium as well.

I went to Halesbury Special School from the aged of 7 11. I had no bullying and even had an interested party called Mrs Barker who was doing a psychology degree and chose me as her subject. I still have the audio tape and listen too it. I was quite bright and she told my mother that she didn't know why I was there.

It wasn't long before Mr Old the Head Master at the time agreed and I was promptly sent to a main stream middle school. Of course the announced my name in assembly and where I had come from. The bullying immediately started again. A boy named Spittle bullied me for a few weeks until after he destroyed a poppy that reminded me of my Granddad who died in the Second World War then I went to town on him and really hurt him. The teachers took Spittles side and told me that I would be sent back to Halesbury if any other incidents continued.

One day they set me up saying that I tried to stab somebody with a screwdriver. I didn't but never the less it nearly got me sent back. I had worked too hard so took the bullying.

When I moved onto the High School the bullying continued both physical and mental. I eventually broke down on the last day after laying into ever bully the last one Brian Parks or Biz as he was called was the main one. I had put up with him for 5 years eventually flipped and decked him.

I had the chance of going to college but my Nan had other plans. She got me sent to Bells Garage at Mucklow Hill Halesowen. I couldn't cope there. The fact that my Nan was a friend of the Boss didn't help either. A man by the name of Derek Sandson who took over the Service Managers position told me in no uncertain terms that he didn't like young men or women. He was another one who made my life hell. I worked for 27.50 per week in 1986 and only picked up my money monthly. I should have taken the college chance. But that as they say is life.

I left school with a City & Guilds Community Care Certificate and Proficiency in Maths and English. These qualifications were not sufficient for todays jobs market. But were better than nothing. One thing that helped me to excel was Computers. I have found that my forte and it has helped me to gain a lot of confidence.

Soon because of these qualifications I could only take on either YTS Retail or Factory Work. Sid used me in the YTS Retail side. I can remember him offering me an extra �5 per day to work with him in the VAN. I never got the money and soon it all blew up on my eighteenth birthday when I had to work from 7:00am 7:00pm. I asked Sid if I could go early and he said no. A special meal had been booked and all my Auntie's and Uncles were round my parents house as a surprise. Of course he wouldn't let me go early so that was spoilt. I ended up drinking alone on my eighteenth and getting very drunk.

I went to an agency after that and also after leaving Dallas in Blackheath due to health reasons. Mainly because, they wanted me to shovel rotten dog meat and turds. It was meant to be a retail position. But I was given literally all the shitty jobs.

Ok the agency work placed me at Hayes Lane in Lye where I was meant to process all the National Health Lottery forms. But the contract fell through and so that ended after 3 days. My mother found that living in Hillbrow wasn't doing any of us any good. So we moved from Quinton to Halesowen in November 88, where we now reside. Katy by this time had made her own life and was at University in Coventry. I secured a job at James Grove and Sons in the Hawne Department. The people there were very much like kids. But I stuck it for 8 months. It didn't pay much but was only a quarter of a mile down the road if that. So was within walking distance. I left Groves got a job for more money at H & J Europhane and then Got a Job in Lye again called Wytex Fibre. All these were factory jobs and kept me in money. I left Wytex when they moved and got on a training scheme straight away.

This was a Government ET Scheme based at Halesowen College. I learned typing and word-processing. I transferred to Apex Trust for the later part of the scheme and past my RSA 1 in Information Technology with a Distinction and also past RSA1 Word-processing. VQ1 Business Admin was also past at the centre as well.

It wasn't long before I got further qualifications at Venture Training. I gained City and Guilds 726 CLAIT and also NVQ1 In Business Administration. I was 24 when I got the confidence to try a BTEC National in IT Application and came out with a Distinction. I didn't even think I would pass it. Immediately I gained a Job at Halesowen College, also that place where I took the BTEC. Everything went OK until the person there took a likening to me. She was married and when I told her no she made things difficult for me. She waited her chance and when my Nan died who I was very close to she jumped on it. I virtually ran the office on my own. But still they took her word and that was my first break down. Dr Shameem gave me six weeks and I received a letter telling me not to return to work off the college. Dr Conlon saw me but I don't think I opened up to him like I am finally opening up to you now. So he couldn't help me. I got myself back together and met who I thought was a nice girl. She was a single mother and I got on well with her son Phillip. I really thought that that was it and that I finally had a chance of a normal life. It wasn't to be. My family was less than happy with Julie. They didn't like the way Phillip was treated and didn't like the fact that she never tided up her maisonette, but I was besotted with her. I told my family to mind their own business and carried on with Julie for 8 months. At the end of that time Phillip became Ill. I visited him in Hospital and so did a mysterious stranger who it turns out Julie was seeing behind my back. He knew too much about the inside of Julies maisonette for my liking. He swore that they had not had sex. But he would say that. He also told my parents that we could listen to what she put on his answering machine. My whole world fell apart again.

I got a job and Julie said that she would meet me in West Bromwhich where I worked, she never did and that put a strain on my work loads. They also were a very clicky bunch. They found out about Halesebuy. Maybe I did tell them something and maybe I thought that they could cope. I was wrong that isolated me more from the Office Group. I eventually felt myself getting worse and my work suffered. The finale straw was when my boss told me because of bad management that he was going to cut my flexible working hours. This was not on as my Mother was in Hospital with Breast Cancer and I needed to see her. They didn't appear to care and so I woke up the next day feeling very giddy. I couldn't go to work and Doctor Shameem gave me sick note after sick note. I never went back.

That brings me to the present day situation. I have been on Anti Depressants and periodically see a Doctor at Halesview. I also see a counsellor at Dr Shameems Surgery most Wednesdays I do hope that this helps others. I want to go back to work and to hold down a job but circumstances at the moment are all stacked against me.