Tricia's Story

Note: Names aside from author have been changed to protect the young and due to the fact the male in question has not legally been proven a child molester. Thank you, Stacey

TEARS TEARS TEARS TEARS

I was lookin on Yahoo and found your site...wow, it is so wonderful. You have done an exellent job in putting it together.

Now for why I was looking...My name is Tricia (27) and I am the mother of a victim of child sex abuse. My 8 year old daughter Jamie was sexually abused by my husband, (Her step-father). Oh gosh...This gets me so emotional...readin'your story just got the tears a comin'!

In June of 1999 I left my husband Paul, of 5 years...He was selling marajuana and (crank; I later found out) Anyways...Selling and hangin'out w/ friends was so much more important than me and the kids...I got sick of it, and left him, and drove 8 hours up to my first husband's sister Katie's house in Starbuck WA! Katie and her husband took me & my kids into their home!

Later that summer in Aug'99 I called Paul, told him I had missed him and wanted to come home, with a lot of changes of course. He agreed, and said he'd be willing to fix a lot of things.

Well, I then told my sister-in-law Katie that Paul and I were getting back together. She sat the kids down while I was gone to work and told them "Mommy and Daddy are going to get back together". Jamie became very tearful, quiet and withdrawn from life it seemed to Katie. Katie ask Jamie (7 yrs old at the time) what was wrong, with no answer Katie had a bad feeling. Jamie finally told her Aunt Katie what her step-daddy did to her.

Oh man...Now for the phone call...Aunt Katie called me at work and said to sit down for the news. "Paul molested Jamie" she told me over the phone very quietly. "No F-ing way" I firmly replied...I am so ashamed to say, I didn't believe.

I made myself believe that my husband whom I'd loved so much could never have done this. I went back to him finally in November'99! After we were home, I confronted Paul about what I learned over the summer, assurring him that I of course didn't believe that he did it. He just lightly snickered and said "Oh my God, someone had told her to say it" We discussed the topic of sex abuse, he surprised me in telling me about a friend of his who is a registered sex offender...his friend was having sex with his 15 year old daughter and she got him convicted. The shocking part is when he told me that he thought his friend's daughter liked it and told only to get back at her dad for something else. When he told me all this along with "I think girls like it, cuz it feels good" I was so stunned. I then sat down with my daughter and told her she had to tell me what happened (she would NEVER tell me before...she only told her Aunt Katie)

She finally told me on December 10th 1999. "Dad would wake me up at night when you were at work and take my panties off and touch me on my privates. He showed me his privates and I would close my eyes" She explained all that had took place said it happened many times....TEARS & MORE TEARS! I left Paul that night she told me and went to a friends house. Then I went to the police department. Later, she had to have a physical exam (that showed no evidence of physical abuse) at the ABC HOUSE ( a wonderful place for children who are victims of sex abuse), and an interview with a detective. She would not disclose to them, nor to a social worker. No charges were filed.

Now a year has gone by. Jamie has come a long way with her wonderful counceler's help (from the ABC HOUSE)! She finally disclosed to the detective on December 13th 2000! One year and two days later from the day she told me! Oh, I am so proud of her!

It should be going to Grand Jury by the end of this month, January 2001!

Thank you for letting me write you my story! I was shaking just thinking about it. I wish I could have protected my daughter Jamie from his sickness.

Now I am battling another issue...trying to protect Paul from having unsupervised visitation with our 5 year old daughter Kelly. Paul is trying to have unsupervised visits with her, he is taking me to court saying I have no grounds to continue the supervised visits. What he doesn't know is Jamie finally disclosed and charges are going to be brought up before he knows it! YEAH!

You can share my daughter's story on your site...I would like that. It's a good thing to share stories for healing! :O)

Oh...by the way if you don't know, I noticed you don't have OREGON numbers, here they are:

Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-562-6025

CARDV (Center Against Rape & Domestic Violence)
1-541-754-0110

Again...thanks for you site

Love:O)

Tricia in Oregon E-mail me

Update January 10, 2000

Hi Stacey!

It's me in Oregon again!

Thanks for your response! That would be cool for you to share it on your site...you can change names if ya need to, that's okay! :O)

I am so excited...today my daughter Jamie and I were served with subpoenas for Grand Jury! I am so nervous, my daughter is too! I cannot wait to finally get this done... After he is indited, it'll take about 4 months to go to trial (unless it gets postponed, which often happens).

Well, wish us luck! I pray that God gives Jamie strength to get through all this up coming court stuff.

Thanks again,

Tricia :O)

Update Jan 31, 2001
Hello Stacey...

Just writing to let you know that we went to Grand Jury on January 18th! Myself, Aunt Katie, Juleanna, her Theropist, the Doctor, and the two Detectives all testified! Paul has been indicted, charged with 4 counts of first degree sex abuse. If convicted, in Oregon, one charge of first degree sex abuse is a manditory 6 yrs 3 mo prison even if it's a first offense (MEASURE 11, first strike your out law); 4 counts add up to be 25 yrs in Prison. I will keep you informed of the trial...4 to 6 mo away!

Tricia...

Update July 24, 2001

STACEY...

Paul was arrested January 30th...his bail was set at $100,000... He paid 10% and got out of jail! It has been 6 months and I am still waiting for a trial to be set...I hope it is soon...they just recently offered him a plea bargin: guilty of 1 count of "attempted" sex abuse, possible 1 year jail time, 5 years probation, and forever listed as a child sex offender.

I don't like the "attempted" word they use in the plea bargin, but as long as he has to list as a child sex offender for the rest of his life, I think it'll be okay! However, I don't think that he will take the plea bargin...he will want to go to trial. I just have a feeling! I really want him to take the offer, but if he doesn't it'll go to trial. Then my daughter Jamie will have to testify in the trial. I am so stressed out thinking about it! I can't wait till this is over!

Also...he no longer has supervised visitation with the youngest daughter...He has NO VISITAION! Judges orders: He cannot contact us (imediate family) at all...through phone, letter nor person. If he sees us (even in a grocery store) he has to leave!!

I will let you know if he takes the offer/plea bargin , or when the trial date is set...

Keep us in your prayers! I have enjoyed hearing from you readers... I have made some good email pals through my story! THANX STACEY FOR EVERYTHING!

TRICIA~

Jan 30, 2002
DEAR STACEY...
Wanted to let you and your readers know that the trial date is finally set for May 2002!
~TRICIA [email protected]

November 15, 2002 The DA's office called today, the trial has been postponed again. Due to a witness/ the detective not being able to be able to be there. It will be rescheduled sometime in the spring 2003.
~Tricia

April 29, 2003
The case is set for trial May 28th and 29th, 2003. I am writing you to let you know what is currently going on with the case with "Paul". Around the middle of March, "Paul" was driving down the road and crashing into numerous things, the police arrested him for driving under the influence. They discovered that he was having a stroke after they got him to the jail. He spent around a week in the hospital. My sister in-law works at the hospital and that is how I found out about it, I was told that he was possibly paralyzed. I called the DA's office to let them know he was in the hospital, however they already knew because they had a case against him for driving under the influence. I also learned that our assigned deputy DA retired and that they assigned the case to another deputy DA. She called me to inform me that "Paul's" attorney was planning on filing a motion to dismiss the case. When I learned this, it made me very angry, and sad. I felt helpless. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. "Jamie" and I met with the new attorney, April 22nd 2003. We both really liked her. During our meeting We discussed how "Paul's" attorney plans on filing a motion to dismiss the case, due to lack of a speedy trial. Also due to the stroke has left him with neuralgic and physical damage, therefore he can't help in his defense. I believe that our attorney will offer him one last plea bargain. I also found out that our previous attorney offered him another plea bargain that I was never aware of.offering him a misdemeanor (attempted sex abuse in the 3rd degree) rather than the felony previously offered (attempted sex abuse in the 1st degree). The deputy DA, asked what we thought about offering him another plea bargain, a misdemeanor. I told her I didn't mind, however, I don't believe that he'll take it. Well, last Saturday, my friend and I were driving toward his house (which he is selling, by the way) and I saw two men walking on the side of the road towards me, one of them was "Paul". I started shaking and grabbed my friend's leg and shouted "that's him, OMG!" I was so shocked, my body was shaking so bad, that I couldn't put in the clutch, and I couldn't drive. I had to pull over. I couldn't breath right. I kept watching him walk. It was him, and he was just fine. I couldn't believe it. And Sunday "Jamie" saw "Paul" moving stuff out of his house. She stayed the weekend at her best friend's house (which is a block away from "Paul's" house). I am such a mess. I met a lady at school, (I'm going back to school for Nursing!). I was telling this lady about what is going on with our case. I was so surprised to find out she had gone thru a very similar experience with her son who also went to the ABC House. I am so glad I met her, I have someone that I can talk to about it. She has been very wonderful to talk to, I like to listen to her experience, and feel good about being there for her too.Thank you again for having this site, it is nice to be able to write down what is is going on.
Tricia